WASHINGTON NEWS COUNCIL

GRIDIRON WEST DINNER ³ Nov. 9, 2002

SONG PARODY LYRICS

(Sung by David & Lisa Koch of Cabaret Productions, with Bruce Hurlbut on piano.

Lyrics written by John Hamer of WNC—.with sincere apologies to Rodgers & Hammerstein!)

¦The Sound of Schmoozing² (opening song)

(To the tune of ¦The Sound of Music²)

The halls are alive with the sound of Schmoozing

With words they have said to a thousand ears

The halls fill our heads with the sound of Schmoozing

With lines that we hear every year after year.

Our hearts want to fend off the millions of words

That rise from the Rs and the Ds.

Our minds tend to reel from the whines and cries

From the lobbyists on their knees.

To laugh at their bill when it trips and stalls

In committee on its way,

To schmooze through the night

And keep schmoozing all through the next day.

We go to the halls when our hearts are lonely.

We know we will hear what weÃve heard before.

Our hearts are obsessed

With the sound of schmoozing

And weÃll schmooze once more.

¦My Favorite Govs² (News Council members sing chorus)

(To the tune of ¦My Favorite Things²)

Clarence D. Martin and Arthur B. Langlie
Monrad C. Wallgren and Al Rosellini

Some were big hawks and some were more like doves,
These are a few of our favorite Govs. (COUNCIL ECHOES)
Daniel J. Evans and dear Dixy Lee Ray
John Spellman, Booth Gardner and good ‘ol Mike Lowry
Some were well-liked and some were even loved
These are a few of our favorite Govs. (COUNCIL ECHOES)
Traffic-jammed highways with brake lights a³flashing,
Budgets that end up with surpluses crashing,
Sessions not over ‘till push comes to shoves,
These are a few of our favorites Govs.

CHORUS:

When the tax bites,
When the fee stings,
When weÃre feeling sad,
We simply remember our favorite Govs
And then we know weÃve—.been had!

REPEAT CHORUS

¦Ninety-two Going on Twenty-two² (For Al Rosellini)

(To the tune of ¦You Are 16, Going on 17²)

You are 92, going on 22,
Albert, youÃre in the pink!
You are so aware, at your age thatÃs rare,
Albert, youÃve got that wink!
You are 92, going on 22,
You still seem in your prime.
All these young lads are wishing they had
Your energy half the time.
Totally well prepared were you
To run the state back then
Never once shy nor scared were you
To use your veto pen.
Now thereÃs no one older or wiser
Telling you what to do.
You are 92, going on 22,
Gov-er-nor, hereÃs to you! (RAISE GLASSES IN TOAST)

¦Income Tax²(for Dan Evans)

(To the tune of ¦Edelweiss²)
Income tax, Income tax
GovÃnor Evans you sought me
Income tax, income tax
Why donÃt more voters want me?
Sales tax and gas tax
And B & O
They canÃt grow forever
Income tax, Income tax
YouÃd fill the coffers forever!                                                       

¦Governor Spellman (for John Spellman)

(To the tune of ¦Climb Every Mountain²)

Governor Spellman,
Light up a bowl
Follow every pipe dream
Puff your tobacco

Governor Spellman
You loved to smoke
Puffed upon your pipestem
Till we almost choked.

From this burning weed
All the smoke you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live

Governor Spellman
You had a theme
Smoke the best tobacco
That was your pipe dream

¦Governor Booth² (for Booth Gardner)

(To the tune of ¦Something Good²)

Perhaps you had a troubled childhood,       
Perhaps you had a difficult youth
But somewhere growing up on
Vashon Island
You dreamed of being Governor Booth.
For there you were, Standing there,
Gov-er-nor
And we never knew the truth
That somewhere in your childhood or in your youth
You dreamed of being Governor Booth.

Something, that was Something
Once we knew the truth
That somewhere in your childhood or in your youth
You dreamed of being Governor Booth.

¦The Friendly Governor² (for Mike Lowry)

(To the tune of ¦The Friendly Goatherd²)

High on a hill was a friendly governor
Lowry, o-dl Lowry, o-dl Low-ry-oo.
Warm was the voice of the friendly governor
Lowry, o-dl Lowry, o-dl-oo
Born in a town that was quite remote, son
Lowry, o-dl Lowry, o-dl-Lowry-oo
Rose all the way to the GovernorÃs mansion
Lowry, o-dl Lowry, o-dl-oo
O-ho, Lowry o-dl lee-o,
O-ho, Lowry o-dl ay!
O-ho, Lowry o-dl lee-oo,
Lowry o-dl Lowry ay!
When he came in all the media grumbled
Lowry, o-dl Lowry, o-dl Lowry-oo
‘Cause he wore suits that were slightly rumpled
Lowry, o-dl Lowry, o-dl lay.
O-ho, Lowry o-dl, lee-o, o-ho, Lowry o-dl ay!
O-ho, Lowry o-dl lee-o, Lowry-o-dl lee-hoo od-l-ay!

SAM REEDÃS SONG FOR MIKE LOWRY

¦I DONÃT KNOW WHY I LIKE MIKE² (Sam Reed, vocals and piano)

(To the tune of ¦I DonÃt Know Why I Love Him²)

I donÃt know why I like Mike.
HeÃs leftwing;
The real thing.
And heÃs not changed,
No, never changed.
EvÃry liberal program
He always backs

THEN CALLS FOR AN INCOME TAX.

I donÃt know why I take it.
His eyes bulge;
And his arms flap.
HeÃs a freewheeler,
Yeah, a New Dealer.
And his bleeding heart
It does soar
For his many, many causes

AND THEREÃLL BE MORE.

He cares about the poor,
Even went for Al Gore,
Native A-mer-i-cans,
Taking away your guns.
I never thought IÃd put up with this,
IÃm a political masochist.

Do you think he looked quite deb-o-nair,
Maybe he thought it was coo-ol,
To have a beard
Looked kind of weird
No aris-to-crat
To top all that

LOOKED LIKE ARAFAT!

Upset his mom so.
I like Mike so.
I like Mike so.

¦NO-MON-EY² (For all the Governors)

(To the tune of ¦Do-Re-Mi²)

LetÃs start with the Washington budget
 very bad place to start,
But itÃs time that you face re-al-i-ty,
Re-al-i-ty?
When you look at the budget thereÃs no-mo-ney.
No-mon-ey?
No-mon-ey.
Your biggest problem just happens to be
No-mon-ey.
No-mon-ey!
No-mon-ey to spend on me!
What part of broke donÃt you understand?

Dough ³ ItÃs gone, itÃs really gone
Ray ³ Of hope thereÃs almost none
Me ³ In fact, IÃm broke myself
Far ³ In debt and itÃs no fun
So ³ Deep in over my head
Locke ³ You wish it wasnÃt so
Tea ³ chers striking for more bread
And the state is out of dough-oh-oh-oh!

 (REPEAT WITH AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION)

When you have no financing
You canÃt pay for anything
When you have no financing
You canÃt pay for anything.
No-mon-ey-to-spend-on-me? Oh no!

¦How Do You Solve a Problem Like Tim Eyman?²

(To the tune of ¦How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?²)

He files lots of initiatives
And usually gets the votes
He makes fun of Olympia
And turns us into goats
And underneath the table
ThereÃs a personal loan he floats.
HeÃs never been elected; heÃs a gadfly.
He always makes the headlines
And heÃs always full of zeal.
He has a knack for soundbites
His sincerity seems real.
From all of which, I take it,
That you very firmly feel
HeÃs not a public servant but a gadfly.
IÃd like to say a word in his defense.
Then say it!
Sometimes—. he makes sense!

Refrain:

How do you solve a problem like Tim Eyman?
How do you turn his smile into a frown?
How do you find a word that means Tim Eyman?
A populist hero or just a publicity hound?
Many a thing you know youÃd like to tell him;
Many a time you wish heÃd go away.
But he always finds a way to have an important say 
How do you stop the guy from making hay?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Tim Eyman?
You could elect him GOV-ER-NOR someday!

¦So Long, Farewell² (closing song)

ThereÃs a sad sort of nagging from the clock on the wall
And the cells and the pagers too
And out in the lobby an absurd little nerd
Is popping out to say ¦Adieu.²
Adieu! Adieu!

Regretfully they tell us,
But firmly they compel us
To say good-bye to you.

So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehn good night
We hate to go and leave these noble five.

So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehn adieu
To Al, and Dan, and John and Mike and Booth

We thank you all for all the years you served
We hope tonight you havenÃt been unnerved.

The sun has gone; the midnight hour is nigh,
So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehn good-bye
Good-bye—good-bye—good-bye—.